Video game lols thanks to Jay Mohr

As a comedian, playing for a niche can be both challenging and extremely awarding. Comedian Jay Mohr has hosted the Interactive Achievement Awards for the last few years and this year came away with some good zingers. Some of the jokes are tired cliches, like laughing at the fact females like to game (not that surprising), some are far too racy, even to post here. I’m not as funny as him (today) so, I’ll get right to the quotables!

-”You guys might notice we have some women here voluntarily tonight. That’s a big moment for us. ”

-[After calling attention to a few female game developers in attendance] “These ladies are all presenting [awards] tonight, just to prove they actually exist. It’s like how Republicans make their black guy party chairman. See, we have one too? He’s over here. Don’t ask him anything.”

-”My family and I play Beatles Rock Band a lot. It’s always tense in the beginning. You have to have the whole ‘Who is going to be Ringo’ conversation. I tell my son, ‘If you’re Ringo, you’ll die last.’”

-”I finally got the Indiana Jones sequel I wanted. It’s called Uncharted 2. No fridges. No monkeys. No fucking Shawn Labeef or whatever the hell he is. Who is this? Where did he come from? Just a man and his stubble, the way it ought to be when you’re home alone playing a video game.”

More goodness after the break!

-”Have you guys heard about the game where your wrist gets impaled and pinned down by a huge monster claw thing and you have to cut off your hand if you ever want to get out of there? I think it’s called Working At Activision… That’s right. I said it. Kathie Lee Gifford thinks you guys are a little harsh. ”

-”By my count Activsion also released 500 Guitar Hero games last year. I think Guitar Hero 5 was the boldest, because, well, you had balls. A Kurt Cobain avatar singing was a little creepy… before he started singing Bon Jovi. Are you out of your fucking minds having Kurt Cobain singing Bon Jovi? That’s like Elvis singing Hasselhoff. That’s not supposed to happen! I don’t want Kurt Cobain living on a prayer.”

-”Courtney Love sued, right? You guys know all this. Of course she sued, that’s like her job, to sue. And she had a point. So I wanted to congratulate Activision. You made Courtney Love look fucking sane. That’s probably the most impressive thing you did all year.”

-”A lot went down this past year. Nintendo dropped the price of the Wii. Nintendo dropped the price of the Wii! Which would be great if everyone in the world didn’t already fucking own one. That’s mighty white of you! They’re like, wait, ‘We’ve sold every human being on Earth the Wii? Let’s knock the price down.’”

-”Borderlands did very well in 2009. Congratulations on Borderlands. But this is America. We respond well to anything that combines shooting, guns and the word borders. Let’s not get too crazy. Imagine everyone’s surprise when they found out there were no Mexicans in the game.”

-”I want [EA] to remember to be true to the source and, if you’re going to do [Godfather] part III, make sure it’s disappointing.”

-”Here’s what I really want to ask the folks at EA: Forget the Madden curse. What the hell happened to the guy on your golf game?”

If you have satellite then you can check for an airing of the awards on the Independent Film Channel, though we’ll probably have to look for the masturbation jokes online soon.

via Kotaku