WWLRD? A Bayonetta Philosophy.

Admittedly, I knew who Eleanor Jackson was before I had heard any of her music. I mean that hair, right? It’s wild! Interestingly, the first time I had experienced one of this milky-white songstresses piercing pop ballads was over the Bayonetta TV spot. And I was damn happy to hear it!

You all know the one I mean. Some late-evening flicking through basic cable to find re-runs of King Of The Hill and you stumble on lightning images of Bayonetta’s slinky title character kicking ass and breaking hearts. Combined effortlessly with the Skream  re-mix of  Brixton UK’s synth sensation La Roux’s ‘In For The Kill’, it’s lead singer Jackson’s haunting vocals that make nerds like us simply melt into our sofas and wish it was her in the leather jump suit. BOOM! Get it? Because she’s hot as hell. Tilda Swinton hot. Yeah. 

Then I look at myself in a mirror. I take a hard look. A good hard look bud. Summer is approaching faster than usual this year and it’s La Roux that’s going to get me in shape. 2010 is going to be my year and if I want regular lovin’ from someone as bodacious as Elly Jackson I need to start asking myself What Would La Roux Do? Every time I want to drink beer and eat cookie dough in the bathtub or coat pizza pockets in ranch dressing so I literally don’t have to chew them I’m going to think about how the group La Roux feels about this. Would sweet Eleanor really want to date a guy who considers getting up in the morning a sport and doesn’t take showers because he “doesn’t trust the man”? 

So the next time you’re on your Ikea Fun Couch (or whatever) waiting for Jeff Dunham to come back from break and you see that righteous spot for Bayonetta really ask yourself what you’re doing with your life exactly and ponder whether or not all that cheezie powder on your fingers is truly necessary. After all, What Would La Roux Do?

Also, do your roommates a well-needed favor and for once see that the sounds of physical agony muffled by your bedroom door are nothing more than you deciding to pack in seven hundred sit-ups instead of six. Point of interest: Victoria Beckham does seven hundred a day. Are you going to be shown up by Posh Spice?