X10: Fable III confirmed and detailed in developer diary

I suspect Peter Molyneux is one of those people who stands in front of a mirror and pleasures himself to the stream of consciousness in his head. I can only imagine the football-sized load be must have blown when “extreme morph” and “in-game hand holding” flashed before him. Did you know he carves all of his great ideas into his arm as a means to remember them for production meetings the following morning?

And as the knife sliced into his flesh, Fable III became a reality. However, we’d have to wait until last week for it to be official. More ranting after the break.

Uncle Pete and I (I call him this, although and quite thankfully, he is not my uncle) have always had a weird relationship. I respect the man for making one of my favorite games of all time, Dungeon Keeper. But sometimes he goes a little crazy and designs cluster fucks like Black & White. A game with a user-interface so convoluted that top minds at NASA are still working to decipher it. If only to one day say, “We made it past the Start screen!”

The man has a reputation as an “innovator”. Apparently he brought this skill set into the Fable franchise by giving the player choice. Do something evil, get a scar on your face. Did this affect the story in any way, shape or form? Fuck no. In fact, for the countless hours that took to recreate authentic Dog ball-licking algorithms in Fable II, Uncle Peter didn’t seem to have the time to give the game a fucking ending. To recap: four people hold out wooden boxes and Care Bear-stare a man to death – with love, i think. That said, Fable II was an alright game. Certainly nothing ground breaking – despite the Dog crotch-licking mini game.

I suspect Fable III will be much of the same. Sure, much is being made of the “extreme morph” system in the dev diary. But in reality this is no different than giving a Yankees fan a Yankee’s jersey. Oh boy! A really loud and obnoxious indicator to tell me that my character is either good or evil. Look out gaming! You’re about to be ass- fucked with change. But wait!  Here comes the ability to hold my girlfriends hand in the game! Holy Dicks! Does this mean my wife will actually CONTRIBUTE to my adventure rather than producing my retarded spawn who loves running into Goblin filled caves and fucking up my hard-days work of shaking down town locals for rent? Fuck no! Hell, will any of these “innovations” give Fable II an actual ending?

In all seriousness, I can’t wait for Fable III. It’s a fun and visually striking world to inhabit. I just wish Uncle Pete would put the NyQuil down and work out the fundamentals, rather than the none essentials.

video via Joystiq